ATTN: If you are looking for post on SIGNAL Leakage scroll down, if you are looking for Troubleshooting your Internet, go to page 2
Welcome to my final "Rock Bottom" post. I recommend reading this series of posts from the start by scrolling down two posts and beginning with "Rock Bottom".
As I explained in the previous post, my life was going to take a serious change for the worse. Everything up to this point seemed normal right? Well, mabe not the "evil spirits" my family and I encountered in my early childhood, but I haven't experienced much of that since then, so, here it goes.
Everything in my life seems to be going good, I'm doing well at work, (Cable Co.) I'm starting to make good money, I'm finally starting to come out of my depressions brought on by my divorce and the death of my mother. My son is getting older, and we are able to have interests in common, such as computers and video games. Well, you may have already guessed it, but one day I get a phone call. It was my brother. He has broken up with his girlfriend, and needs a place to stay. Although I am in a one bedroom apartment, with my son visiting on the weekends, and if the apartment management finds out, I could be evicted, I decide to allow him to stay with me. It was fine at first, even though he had no job for a while, but it all soon came crashing down. My brother started seeing psychiatrists in a free evaluation for testing medication. Around this time, I was going through severe back-pain, and ultimately had to go on short-term disability from work. My brother was taking experimental drugs, and drinking beer heavily at the same time. When his "therapy" was about over, his psychiatrist prescribed him a major anti-depressant drug and gave him a free months supply. I'm sure my brother didn't let them know how much he was drinking alcohol while he was on these things, because for the next couple of months I experienced pure HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was back at work now, and every day after work, my brother would start our verbal fights. Non-stop yelling at the top of our voices, all night long. Even if we took off to go visit relatives that lived 1/2 hour away...non-stop YELLING!!! ARGUING!!! He's blaming me for everything bad in his life, blaming me for the past, and for me being too stupid to have things going better in my life. I lost my voice for the better part of that year, and he would laugh at me for my scratchy yelling back at him. Keep in mind, I did not take anti-depressants, and I am not a drinker. I usually only have about a couple of cans of beer every 2 or three months. My brother would even start yelling and arguing with me in front of my son when he was visiting, and even pushed me hard in front of him, trying to get me to fight. I fell back on the couch, when he pushed me, and I jumped back up, and looked at my son, who was watching this go down. I decided to move into my dad's house that was going to be vacant when my sister was going to move out, after getting maried. I told my brother he could not move there with me because of the way he now acts. He moved to Georgia to a high school friend's house. I told him before he left to don't act that way with his friend like the way he is with me. Two months of peace I had in my new house, I get a phone call, his friend kicked him out, and he's apologizing for his behavior, he has nowhere else to go, and he promises things will be better/different. I told him I'm still mad at him, things better change, and he needed to slow down on the alcohol. He agreed.
I know your probably thinking "he's (me Wes) a dumbass, after all that, he's going to let him move back in with him. Well, just let me say " I AM A DUMBASS FOR LETTING MY BROTHER MOVE BACK IN WITH ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nothing in the passed can even compete with the craziness that is going to start happening in about a year!!!
Not long after he moved in, I started telling him, " I'm not going to make it much longer at this job, my back is continuing to hurt, and it's causing a reduction of strength in my left leg, and I am loosing my confidence in climbing ladders."
Well I had to go on short-term disability again for my back. I had to cut it short and go back to work still in pain, because the STD Insurance company wasn't paying me. They were holding out, trying to get me to come back to work. This was in the winter, so my brother wasn't working, because he only had a part-time summer job, so there was no help there.
I was only able to work about 9 months longer when I couldn't take it any longer. My progressing fear of heights (acrophobia) that started after my first short-term disability has finally caught up to me. My repeated talks to my supervisor at work, to try and find something else for me to do, haven't worked, and by now, me and my brother have been starting to argue and yell again. I told my brother to leave, but he said the house we lived at was in my dad's name, and he had the right to live there too. I just gave up. I had no support. I quit my job of almost 12 years at the Cable company. I know now this was the worst thing I could have done, but I was all stressed out. Everything was on my shoulders. I was in pain, tired, scared of killing myself at my job. I've been involved in trying to get unemployment for almost a year now. I've been in court, in front of an Administrative Law Judge, after being denied. After being denied by the Judge, my case is now in front of the Appellate Commission.( Appeals Court for unemployment )
To make this long story shorter, I'll just tell you what happened not long after quitting the cable company. About a month after quitting, my brother's anger with me kept growing daily. He was in a " it's my way or the highway" type mindset with me and my son. He was drinking very heavy, both beer and hard liquor, and a few days before Thanksgiving, he threw the biggest kitchen knife at my head, barely missing me. I threatened calling the police. A couple of days after Thanksgiving, he was drunk and he got in my face, yelling, and I turned to walk away, and go to my room, and he pushed me, hurting my neck. Again I threatened to call the police. A couple more days goes by, and it was night time, I was upstairs in my room, helping my son with his homework, and my son was also playing music on the computer ( not very loud ), while my brother is downstairs stomping around, swearing, drunk as usual, and he yells up the stairs
" TURN THAT SHIT OFF!" I told my son he didn't have to. A minute later my brother comes walking up the stairs, complaining, swearing, etc. and I tell him to please leave, I'm helping my son with his homework, and right now my room is private time for me and my son. He continues to swear, so I stand up and get louder "please leave" he pushes me. I threaten to call the police, he just laughs at me, and says "give me your phone I'll call them." I tell my son "come on, I'm driving you to your grandmother's house." My son goes downstairs first, after I block my brother from blocking him, I then tried to walk down, as my brother is pulling me from behind, all the way to the front door, where he is pulling me and pushing the door closed as I am trying to open it. I let go of the door and spun around, breaking his hold, and he drunkingly falls on his but in front of the door. I yell to my son "go out the back door and get in the car!" I'm right behind him, but when I got out the backdoor and checked my pocket for my car keys, they are not there. I ran back in looking for them, and my brother wasn't at the door anymore. I look around, and they are not in the usual places I put them. I open the front door and looked at my car to hopefully see my son inside, but he wasn't...my brother was in the passenger's seat, grinning at me. My son, walking almost half-way down the block. I had enough. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911. My brother jumps out of my car, and says, I know your not calling the police. I said "yes I am this time, I've had enough. The police were there within about 3 minutes, as my brother is stomping around yelling and swearing. Loud enough that the 911 operator said " is that him?" I said yes and I hear her say " I need you to get there as soon as possible." He wnt to jail for about 2 days, probably due to giving officers a hard time in jail, I think. I dropped the charges before his court date, but the State picked them back up. He was sentenced to community service, random drug and alcohol tests, and anger management and AA classes.
Although he wasn't supposed to, I let him move back in, after he called me and begged to, he kept getting drunk, and didn't finish all his classes, and he continued to be a big headache for me for the following 10 months after, and I had to threaten calling the police multiple times. He even got into it with my son a couple of times when I wasn't home, the first time getting my son so angry that he punched the front door and broke his hand. The second time, he sat on my son, trying to stop him from leaving. My son left that day, and I didn't see him again until my brother left, about a month and a half later.
My brother left 6 days ago to live in Indiana, hopefully for good. I do not even want to have contact with him for a good period of time, and I never want him to live with me again. I hope he gets help. Things may start looking better for me now. I felt such relief the day he left. I hit rock bottom, stayed there for a year, and now the long climb back up to a normal living. Thank you to all the people who have put up with me and supported me this last year. I wont forget it.
Note: This whole story was written leaving alot of the things out that my brother has done. The story was not meant to bash my brother, but point out the struggles people go through when someone abuses drugs or alcohol. I do not think my story is rare, but this world would be a better place if it was.
Thank you for reading.
Wes Burgan
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